love

there are days when I wake up thinking there is nothing special about this day. what could i possibly make of it? i am instantly unimpressed. and i think it's because i am thinking of myself and how i could change it. yes, i have a part. but i am not looking to God to make the day. i am frustrated because i am looking to others and myself, how we have failed. knowing there will be more failures in the day to come. i have been doing this a lot lately. but today i see love for the first time in a long time. i have been given a gift, a direct shot to love someone i actually am enthralled with. and i have been given roommates to practice on. so why don't I?? because i judge. i hold on to the sins of others, hold it against them. i see them stifling life, freedom, and love. i do what they do. love is a choice. i know this. but not well enough.

i need to stop judging.

i need to love.

why?

because that, I think, is what real freedom is.

our enemy doesn't win when we choose to love.

our Creator is loved when we love, glorified, brought in to the faces and lives and hearts of others.

listen to switchfoot often.

Life has been somewhat like a movie. I feel somewhat out of control. Like I don't like all of my life and it's in my control, but I still wait for it to be fixed. But I am waiting on me and I pretend like the waiting is for someone or something else. Or like I don't know what the fixing would look like. I like comfort too much. These are times when comfort is not the best option but I try so hard to have it. I should just let go and let God work in the midst of hardship. Embrace grace and forgiveness. They are beautiful. I should act like the grown-up I know know is in me somewhere.

I want the ocean. The smell of it. The sound.

I want a good concert.

I want to see a really good painting, not one that is simply famous.

I want Jesus.

I want His warmth.

I want His beauty.

To be His.