so serious

are my entries. no one reads them but me, so no bother. and that's how i wish it to be.

winter is my favorite season
fall gives way
and i do not say winter is my favorite
because i cannot handle the summer

today i learned that i share a birthday with beatrix potter
that was a great discovery to me
i love her
i wonder if my life would be like hers if i lived in her time
so quiet am i
so silly as well
dreamer
writer and drawer
so old and not married
tisk

willing to travel

pick your poison

my tori amos songs aren't working on my player. so sad.

anyway.

for the past year or so i would say i haven't REALLY attended church. i've gone, but have not been involved or felt at home or like i even liked church. which in a way has been good because i think it's forced me to really think about and study what church is. still studying and am inconclusive-probably will be maybe until forever. what's been nagging me is the way thought patterns go, we get stuck on which sins are worse than the other. or even which person is more monstrous because of a certain sin they have committed. we pick and choose which instructions we do or do not follow. and we condemn those who pick and choose differently from us. and the ones we do not follow aren't even mentioned, maybe they won't exist if we don't say a word. i am here, lumped into the we. i am a great impostor as well. i do not cover me head when i pray. i wear men's clothing. i cuss in my head and sometimes out loud-cussing i think is the most sly of addictions. i get angry instead of responding in love. and i could go on. all of this goes to show me just how deceptive our enemy is. sin goes far beyond what we know. it caves inward and gets us to grab a hold of it and swing it in our loved one's faces. saying here, look at what you've done. but look at what i've done, it's not as bad as you. then we separate ourselves from the very ones we need.

as far as i can tell, and that is sarcastic-toned, we are to be like our Father and His Son. and that is an honor in itself and SO crazy to think about. He is the one who knows the heart. i love to read that and that He didn't send His Son to condemn but to save. i wish this was reflected much more in our conversations-about and with people.

so my peeve is that we don't follow all directions, we get angry at others for doing exactly what we do-sin, and we are flawed humans. ha.

inconclusive.

internet

the internet is mosting annoying to me right now. just having to do it and keep up with stuff. email. pages. whatever.