so this is my official, other-than-journal, out there post.
times right now seem to be difficult in terms of dissatisfaction with my life. and i think it's most difficult, ego coming out or not, because the things in life that are difficult are a direct result of me and my doings. so yes, things suck right now because of me! oh how many times i've tried to pin all my baggage on other people. can't blame the parents for everything.
i have my list of dreams to try to accomplish, so why not a direct and honest list of faults that i want OUT of my life.
~i'm not looking very dusty right now as a proclaimed Jesus person. i would like to be filthy.
~i have gained ten pounds since coming home to iowa, this does NOT make one happy. not to sound ego-headed, but i've never had a belly-and now i do!
~i am a very selfish person, not keeping up with my family and friends. i need to talk to my dad and just about every other person i consider myself to LOVE
~been home for about ten months now, enough time to get back on my feet and ready to be living without the assistance of my parents. so, i need to move out again. very soon.
~i need to spend time with the Abba outside, being in the midst of His brush strokes and finger prints.
~i need to stop spending my down-time in front of the tele-go outside, read, dance, write letters
it seems i've given myself plenty of time to get back on my feet, no more blaming this on a good and bad break-up. it's time to start running.
that should be enough for now.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Sunday, October 7, 2007
ocean and surfing and water
I was one of those kids who lived at the pool in the summer. Then my folks went their separate ways and the pool days ceased. You see I was able to ride my bike there with my friends almost every day-I lost both bike and friends. One thing my folks were good at when I was younger was taking me with them on their travels. My first introduction to the ocean was Hawaii, not prime in my opinion, but still very beautiful and intoxicating. I remember the way it smells and feels-especially after getting a fresh sunburn. Being in the ocean was all I wanted to do when I was in Hawaii.
Then there came the Camen Islands-my favorite. Yes, above Hawaii. I don't know what it was, if it was the color and the calmness or the fact that I got the guts to go further out snorkeling than I did in Hawaii. Again I was sunburned, so badly that I had to take a day off from being outside because I got sick from it. My face swelled so much I couldn't open my eyes all the way.
So now I am pretty much tortured. I haven't seen the ocean for about thirteen years, my fascination has grown immensely. And now. . . I'm in love with surfing without having ever been.
that's all for now
Then there came the Camen Islands-my favorite. Yes, above Hawaii. I don't know what it was, if it was the color and the calmness or the fact that I got the guts to go further out snorkeling than I did in Hawaii. Again I was sunburned, so badly that I had to take a day off from being outside because I got sick from it. My face swelled so much I couldn't open my eyes all the way.
So now I am pretty much tortured. I haven't seen the ocean for about thirteen years, my fascination has grown immensely. And now. . . I'm in love with surfing without having ever been.
that's all for now
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Walls and Grace
Jesus people.
Sometimes I get a little annoyed with the word Christian because I think it's overused and not always a great or best descriptive word. We've made it up to mean so many different things. I call myself a Christian to conform I guess, but I much rather love the Jesus person or Jesus Follower title. Because that's what it boils down to.
As Christians, in our youthful beginnings, I think we're all taught incorrectly that we need to follow a list of rules in order for God to see us as acceptable. I think that bad wiring we start out with leads us to condemnation of our brothers and sisters. And mostly, at least for me, condemnation of ourselves. We sort of get into a panic when we haven't read our Bibles for a day or week. Sometimes I come to God and all it seems I thank Him for is His grace. There is nothing wrong with that. I take that on now. Grace is grace is grace. And that's where I need to sit-in His grace, really I already do. We all do. I know we have an enemy that wants us to forget that grace; wants us to throw our punches at each other for not calling ourselves Christians, or even for not wearing the right ensemble to church. And we better have that fish on the backs of our cars. Or you know what. . .
We build these massive walls between our brothers and sisters and the outside world, the nonbelievers. There are so many times when I hear the Gospel told to people and I want to run and hide with the "sinners". Or I want to tell these "Painful" messengers to talk of Love and Grace, not come at people with the dagger and scarlet letters. We need to tell people this beatiful Story that is happening and they are missing out on. We need to tell them they are LOVED and wanted and adored no matter what they've done. Because really it's not even about what they've done! Yes we need a bridge to our Father because of the fall, but we need to say hey, look at my scars and look what He's done! Words are so small when it comes to this, but it's what we have. Love is a movement. There is no Love in condemnation.
Sometimes I get a little annoyed with the word Christian because I think it's overused and not always a great or best descriptive word. We've made it up to mean so many different things. I call myself a Christian to conform I guess, but I much rather love the Jesus person or Jesus Follower title. Because that's what it boils down to.
As Christians, in our youthful beginnings, I think we're all taught incorrectly that we need to follow a list of rules in order for God to see us as acceptable. I think that bad wiring we start out with leads us to condemnation of our brothers and sisters. And mostly, at least for me, condemnation of ourselves. We sort of get into a panic when we haven't read our Bibles for a day or week. Sometimes I come to God and all it seems I thank Him for is His grace. There is nothing wrong with that. I take that on now. Grace is grace is grace. And that's where I need to sit-in His grace, really I already do. We all do. I know we have an enemy that wants us to forget that grace; wants us to throw our punches at each other for not calling ourselves Christians, or even for not wearing the right ensemble to church. And we better have that fish on the backs of our cars. Or you know what. . .
We build these massive walls between our brothers and sisters and the outside world, the nonbelievers. There are so many times when I hear the Gospel told to people and I want to run and hide with the "sinners". Or I want to tell these "Painful" messengers to talk of Love and Grace, not come at people with the dagger and scarlet letters. We need to tell people this beatiful Story that is happening and they are missing out on. We need to tell them they are LOVED and wanted and adored no matter what they've done. Because really it's not even about what they've done! Yes we need a bridge to our Father because of the fall, but we need to say hey, look at my scars and look what He's done! Words are so small when it comes to this, but it's what we have. Love is a movement. There is no Love in condemnation.
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