pick your poison

my tori amos songs aren't working on my player. so sad.

anyway.

for the past year or so i would say i haven't REALLY attended church. i've gone, but have not been involved or felt at home or like i even liked church. which in a way has been good because i think it's forced me to really think about and study what church is. still studying and am inconclusive-probably will be maybe until forever. what's been nagging me is the way thought patterns go, we get stuck on which sins are worse than the other. or even which person is more monstrous because of a certain sin they have committed. we pick and choose which instructions we do or do not follow. and we condemn those who pick and choose differently from us. and the ones we do not follow aren't even mentioned, maybe they won't exist if we don't say a word. i am here, lumped into the we. i am a great impostor as well. i do not cover me head when i pray. i wear men's clothing. i cuss in my head and sometimes out loud-cussing i think is the most sly of addictions. i get angry instead of responding in love. and i could go on. all of this goes to show me just how deceptive our enemy is. sin goes far beyond what we know. it caves inward and gets us to grab a hold of it and swing it in our loved one's faces. saying here, look at what you've done. but look at what i've done, it's not as bad as you. then we separate ourselves from the very ones we need.

as far as i can tell, and that is sarcastic-toned, we are to be like our Father and His Son. and that is an honor in itself and SO crazy to think about. He is the one who knows the heart. i love to read that and that He didn't send His Son to condemn but to save. i wish this was reflected much more in our conversations-about and with people.

so my peeve is that we don't follow all directions, we get angry at others for doing exactly what we do-sin, and we are flawed humans. ha.

inconclusive.